regarding polygamy and feminism

If you are coming here to find answers to difficult questions, you will be disappointed. If you want to know the why of polygamy: good luck.

(BTW - when you find out the real, honest, spiritual answer, would you mind cluing me in?)

I can imagine that what I write here is not going to be enough for people out there that are furious. Quite frankly, there is enough reason to be. The history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regarding polygamy is pretty well defined as uncool, confusing, secretive and sketchy.

(PS, don't ask me the details because I don't know them. I'm highly under-read on this issue. Call me a bad feminist, but I honestly don't care to know, either.)

Before you read what I have written below, you must read this.

I was just saying what I feel about a particular element of my life. That's it. I was, if you will, sharing the things that God has spoken to my heart over the last two years.

I had no idea what an uproar of emotion and anger it would cause.

Let's just say there were raised voices and hurt feelings.

From the heated discussion, I learned a few things. Most of them I'm actually not going to discuss here.

In the calm after the storm, I was a little upset at myself for not being more angry. If I really believed that women have been wronged, shouldn't I be steaming and screaming? Shouldn't I be demanding justice and equality?

But I think that would go against everything I've decided is important to me. I'm hurt, not angry. I'm looking for healing, not revenge.

Vengeance gives no peace to the suffering soul.

Regardless, I began to think about why I'm not screaming for answers.

Perhaps all that yelling is covering up what the real question is.

Instead of asking why polygamy?

Maybe the question should be: God, do you love me?

I know God loves me. Regardless of the fact that I don't understand why women have appeared to be second class citizens, I know that my Father has never seen me that way. I know there is a reason and I'm okay with the fact that I don't know that reason.

He has never asked me to be an incompetent person. He's told me over and over and over to be brave, stand for what I believe. He's told me that I could do and be so much better. He's told me that being a woman makes me something marvelous and even spectacular.

If He's never told you that, ask Him about it. Of all the questions God answers, the one He likes most of all is, "Do you love me?"

The answer always has been and always will be a resounding, "Yes."

A few times He's told me so:

25 things that I've learned so far in Ecuador
Who is God?
the top ten things i learned in ghana - 1
the top ten things i learned in ghana - 3
an english dictionary - g
growing pains: the hardest part about moving home
the women of god
what makes me beautiful
the fire of motherhood

i am a feminist

This does not mean that I'd rather burn my bras or throw darts at pictures of men on my wall.

It means I believe that kindness and awareness is more important than empty chivalry.

I believe I have the ability to choose what I want to do with my life. I believe I have the responsibility to give selfless service. I believe in humanity. I believe in beauty. I believe in womanhood, motherhood, partnership, and side-kicks. I believe I can be wrong, but I also believe I can be right. I believe I'm capable, strong, powerful, and independent. I believe that to be a woman means to be persuasive, long-suffering, gentle, meek, and full of love. I believe that submissiveness is not weakness when I submit to God. I believe that I'm worth way more than my paycheck. I believe in humility and courage. I believe in open arms and hearts. I believe that men and women are equal, which means that all that garbage about women being more spiritual than men is just an excuse for the men to think it's okay to live lower than their potential. I believe that Christ is a Man for a reason. I don't believe that the Priesthood was made for men, but rather that men were made for the Priesthood. I believe that the angels cannot be restrained from being my associates.

I believe I have the charge to save souls.

I'm a feminist because I believe all these things.

an english dictionary - g

gender - i haven't got the slightest clue

This last week we watched Mother, a film from 1963 written and directed by Kaneto Shindo.  The themes and arguments of the film were many and complex and it gave me a lot to think about.  We discussed it in class yesterday and I felt like the age-old question in my soul that I never seem to be able to answer came up:

What does it mean to be a woman?  What does she look like, act like, love like, feel like, be like?  

And along with that, what am I? Why am I here? What should I be doing?

In Mother, the woman is struggling with, among other things, being loved by her husband.

And in her, I saw myself.

It may be wrong of me to apply what I feel to all females, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'm no gender-studies expert, but I can speak from the heart.

One of the struggles we women have is the ability to be loved.  At loving, I am a master.  My heart is built for compassion and my arms naturally reach out in kindness.  I can easily be a shoulder to cry on or a support for those who need supporting.  

When it comes to romantic relationships, I seem to throw myself at the feet of the Beloved, willing to do any service or any gesture to keep him happy and present.

But to be the loved...

That is something that is very difficult to do.

To be someone receiving the compassion and charity, held by the arms of kindness, the crier on someone's shoulder or the supported.  And when it comes to falling in love, for someone to give of his self entirely to me or be affectionate, my first reaction is to reject it all.

"Run away Huck" my brain seems to say. "Run away and don't look back."

In order to become completely charitable, a person must not only learn to reach out to others, but to allow for others to reach out to her too.

This part of charity requires the humility to submit to someone else.  It gives up on the walls around the heart and opens the great gate to the inside.  It's being able to give myself and be received. 

It's not submission in a weak way.  It's a submission in a Christian way.  Just like the submission that is required for the sinner to be humble before Christ (recognizing their need for Him in their salvation), the submission of a man to a woman or a woman to a man is an act of pure charity.  

Each must give themselves completely to the other and at the same time, a part of that giving is to be received.  

I don't think that many men quite understand what happens when a woman lets him touch her.  It is an act of true submission and humility.  He is in a physical sense much stronger than she is.  If he lost control, she would be able to do very little to stop him.  

Aggressive men are scary men.

To be kissed is to trust and submit.  It's a step in the dark.  It's a leap of faith that he'll receive you in kindness.