an english dictionary - g

gender - i haven't got the slightest clue

This last week we watched Mother, a film from 1963 written and directed by Kaneto Shindo.  The themes and arguments of the film were many and complex and it gave me a lot to think about.  We discussed it in class yesterday and I felt like the age-old question in my soul that I never seem to be able to answer came up:

What does it mean to be a woman?  What does she look like, act like, love like, feel like, be like?  

And along with that, what am I? Why am I here? What should I be doing?

In Mother, the woman is struggling with, among other things, being loved by her husband.

And in her, I saw myself.

It may be wrong of me to apply what I feel to all females, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'm no gender-studies expert, but I can speak from the heart.

One of the struggles we women have is the ability to be loved.  At loving, I am a master.  My heart is built for compassion and my arms naturally reach out in kindness.  I can easily be a shoulder to cry on or a support for those who need supporting.  

When it comes to romantic relationships, I seem to throw myself at the feet of the Beloved, willing to do any service or any gesture to keep him happy and present.

But to be the loved...

That is something that is very difficult to do.

To be someone receiving the compassion and charity, held by the arms of kindness, the crier on someone's shoulder or the supported.  And when it comes to falling in love, for someone to give of his self entirely to me or be affectionate, my first reaction is to reject it all.

"Run away Huck" my brain seems to say. "Run away and don't look back."

In order to become completely charitable, a person must not only learn to reach out to others, but to allow for others to reach out to her too.

This part of charity requires the humility to submit to someone else.  It gives up on the walls around the heart and opens the great gate to the inside.  It's being able to give myself and be received. 

It's not submission in a weak way.  It's a submission in a Christian way.  Just like the submission that is required for the sinner to be humble before Christ (recognizing their need for Him in their salvation), the submission of a man to a woman or a woman to a man is an act of pure charity.  

Each must give themselves completely to the other and at the same time, a part of that giving is to be received.  

I don't think that many men quite understand what happens when a woman lets him touch her.  It is an act of true submission and humility.  He is in a physical sense much stronger than she is.  If he lost control, she would be able to do very little to stop him.  

Aggressive men are scary men.

To be kissed is to trust and submit.  It's a step in the dark.  It's a leap of faith that he'll receive you in kindness.